"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
