Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
