the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I have surprise drugs for everyone
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
