I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
