Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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