I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
