She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
