it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
