Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
