All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
