I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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