y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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