i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
