WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
