There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
