I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
