So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?