I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
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through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
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The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.