I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Randomize
