It's Friday. Sex?
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I AM VODKA MAN
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?