literally had 100 drinks last night.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
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Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
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he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell