toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
You know, be my cock's hype man.
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i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
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It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.