Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
These 23 Kids Have The Most Overbearing Parents Imaginable
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
21 People That Are Skilled At Illegal Activities
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.