Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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