hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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