i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
