Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
