Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
