I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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