No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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