grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Just puked most of my soul out..
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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