it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Rumble strips road head = magical
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
