her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
