We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
