Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
