i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
