I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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