I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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