a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
