I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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