Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
