one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
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Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
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You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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