pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
