What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
