I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
