he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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