ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
