What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Tornado booty call.. dedication
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
