OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I am naked and annoyed.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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