but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Randomize
