and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
