You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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