This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
i now understand why vodka
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
