I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
