So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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