Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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