its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
