I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
