I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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