I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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