i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
