Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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