He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
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our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
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He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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