don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
