you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
