I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
This toilet bowl is my home.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
