this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
