who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
