Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
