batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Randomize
