wanna go halves on a baby?
are you so shy because you have an std?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
