Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
