forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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