it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
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