I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
