fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
