Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
