but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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