I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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