Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
