I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
