I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
